Week 12: Relationships Part 2

'Are people using divorce as a first resort instead of a last?'

So many people complain after a few years of marriage that 'the spark has gone out', or they do not know the person anymore.  I believe that this is probably the biggest contributor to divorce, but it does not have to be.  For those who think that the end is nigh, please, read my own personal keys to a succesful relationship before you take the easy way out.

First things first, all succesful relationships need to have open and honest communication.  I think that the idea of 'making time to talk to eachother' is farsical!  Every night when you go to bed, before you fall asleep, that is talking time.  Go to bed half an hour to an hour earlier, and spend some time together.  You need some time to unwind, and debrief eachother on your days.  This is your partner after all.  It is their job to keep you sane and help you with your problems, as it is yours to do the same for them.  All decisions are discussed, so then both parties are always aware of what is going on.  And do not keep any secrets.  I live by the philosophy that all lies WILL eventually get found out.  It is always better to tell the truth immediately, than to let a lie fester.  We are all human and all make mistakes, so to own up to your mistakes immediately is commendable, and usually forgivable. 

Secondly, you must always remember that you are both equals in your own ways.  So you must never treat the other as a slave or one of the children.  For example, my most hated chore is the dishes, so for that reason, I always do them.  It is selfish of me to tell my partner to do something just because I hate it.  We never TELL eachother what to do, and if we ask something of the other, both answers are okay.  Let's face it, if you cannot handle someone saying either yes or no, do not ASK!  This is your partner and you must RESPECT and appreciate them.  But, if you are not happy with something, as I said before, tell them!  It is their job to make you happy, and by not telling them, you are not letting them do their job.

Thirdly, and this will sound absolutely nutty, but please hear me out, one of the keys to a succesful relationship is arguing (not fighting).  Arguing means that you both still care enough to fight for what you want or believe.  Let's face it, if you do not love someone, you do not really put in any effort or care enough to fight for things.  This also helps with communication, and getting things off your chest.  When you live in close proximity to someone, things are bound to annoy.  We must remember that this is not personal.  Another rule my partner and I live by is we are to never break up over a fight.  If we were to ever break up it would have to be on unnamous terms, where we have  both discussed and agree that there is no longer any love there.  Also, with regards to fights, and this very important, NEVER go to sleep angry.  When you both go to bed, talk out the problem.  You do not sleep until it is resolved.  It does not matter if you have a meeting in the morning, your relationship is more important!  I would also like to add that your marital bed belongs to both of you, and should NEVER be held against the other.  We never kick the other out of bed!

Now, so many movies that I have seen, involve the wife complaining that there is no spark any more or things have gotten boring in the bedroom.  Let me assure you, if you are bored, so are they!  (This would not really be a problem if you were following step one of communication, but some people are afraid of discussing this topic!)  If you want them to spice things up, you do it first!  It is very rude to be upset that they are not being spontaneous when you are not!  And if you remind them how much fun things can be, they will usually follow suit and make more of an effort too.  It comes down to not expecting them to do things that you do not do.  But I do think a lot of women cannot be bothered to try to be in the mood, so the men give up trying.  It takes two to tango!  And let's face it, sex is very good for you.  It releases endorfins, gives you excercise, and helps renew the bond between partners.

The real truth is, I am not a relationship expert, and these are simple things that anyone can do.  But the sad truth is that people are not willing to put effort into their relationships, as they 'never last' anyway.  If people put the same amount of effort into their marriage as they do their job or friends, they would never fail!  Today is our ten year anniversary (six years married), and I can guarantee that we are even more in love today than we were a decade ago.

Give us some feedback!

-T.J.

The Most Valuable Thing We Have

Wars are fought over money, land, gold and diamonds, but what really is our most precious resource?

It is time.

We waste it with fighting, silence and sleeping.  No power on this Earth can get it back, and no one knows how much they have in their possesion.  Treasure your precious resource, and appreciate every single second of it.

Week 11: Religion

"Does religion make the world a better place?"

This question will make many cringe, but believe me we do have some good points.  We were watching Q & A the other day, and this was the topic they were debating.  They had a scientist and a bishop, but niether side touched onto the points that I would have made.

Now, I know that many people will say 'what about the crusades?'  Yes.  Some TERRIBLE things have happened in the name of religion.  But that is not my question.  We are looking at today, right now.  I would also just like to add that this debate is NOT about whether religion is or is not real.  That is a big can of worms that I am at present leaving alone.  My question is about the value of religion on society.

We all acknowledge that almost, if not all western countries are founded by religious cultures.  Most of our laws and traditions come from our religious ancestors.  Yet so many today mock and criticise anyone with beliefs, and it is almost frowned upon to believe in God.  But, what would our world be like without these foundations?

Many people would find their lives lacking, without any real purpose or goals.  It would also be quite a depressing reality, with nothing to look forward to as a reward for a good life.

More importantly, though, there would be no final punishment for bad deeds, and this would create anarchy.  If the gorvernment revealed to everybody that tomorrow the world would explode, those without religion or faith would live for the day.  They would do as they pleased, with no regard for the conseuquences, as lets face it, to them there would be no punishment for crimes.  But for those who have religion or faith, they would continue to follow their moral compass as they believe that punishments exist beyond the realms and boundaries of the here and now.

I know that many people believe religion to be a waste of time, but for this one important reason, I think it is necessary for civil peace and well-being.  The sad truth is, though, that todays society is all about immediate gratification, with no concern for long term consequences.  People would rather throw God in the bin and enjoy themselves, than worry about their eternal souls. 

I would love to hear some crazy arguments both for and against this topic, so unleash 'hell' (pardon the pun) and let us have it!

-T.J.

Week 10: Easter

"Are children missing the real point of Easter?"

Almost every child around the world will wake up on Sunday morning to the exciting expectation of receiving ridiculous amounts of chocolate and goodies.  We will spoil and over indulge eachother, go on holidays and enjoy time off work and school.  But why is this time of year so special?  Most children will rattle off something about the Easter Bunny, and how he brings them chocolate if they are good.  So more and more we are using this holiday as a reason to bribe our children to be well behaved.  I would say with absolute confidence that MOST children are completely missing the point of Easter.  I do understand that it is a difficult concept to make kids aware of, but I have come up with a winning formula that I am willing to share with you all.

Firstly, Good Friday.  My children know that every year we have hot cross buns on Good Friday, and both my five year old and my three year old understand why.  We eat a hot cross bun on Good Friday to remember that Jesus died on the cross for us.  It is that simple.  Just one thing, one day, one step at a time.  Now, I know that hot cross buns were not originally a part of christianity, and that they were only introduced to help assimilate the 'pagans'.  However, it does not change the fact that it is a fantastic tool to help remind children of the day's true meaning.  I do not care where it came from, all that matters to me is why I and my children do it.

Secondly, Easter Sunday.  This one gets a bit trickier, but my five year old understands it well enough.  We tell them that the Easter Bunny brings them chocolate eggs every Easter to remind them of the new life that Jesus had when he came back to life.  My daughter is under the firm belief that the Easter Bunny is, well, almost an angel, or a messenger of God.  He is sent by Jesus to remind us of his gift to us, by giving us another gift each year.  My younger children, all they hear is blah, blah, blah chocolate.  But the eldest gets the concept quite well.  Again, I am aware that the egg did not originally come from christianity, but in my household, it represents what I say it does, and not some thousand year old custom.  Besides, the idea works, and sticks in their minds.

So there you have it.  Two simple ways of reminding children the importance of this special holiday, without taking away the special treats that they look forward to so much.  But the sad truth is, no one seems to care about why they do things, only that they get the reward (in this case the chocolate).  I think that we all need to remember to always take a little time out of our day to explain the 'whys' of the things we do to our children.  After all, it is the 'why' that is the most important thing in this world.

Please, let me know if you think Easter is a mistunderstood holiday or not.  Happy Easter.

-T.J.

How special our lives are

If a single seed of grain never falls to the ground and dies, it never becomes anything more than a single piece of grain.

But when a single seed of grain falls to the ground and dies, a whole new plant grows from it, filled with hundreds of new seeds.