'Is sexual promiscuity ruining long term relationships?'
Has anyone ever watched a movie where the husband and wife were really old and still in love. They were best friends and knew each other better than anyone else. They were each others only sexual partners and never had any desires to sleep with anyone else. Now have a look at our society. Divorce is VERY commonplace, and to have only one sexual partner is unheard of and even frowned upon. There are quite a few problems happening around us in the world of relationships, and no one seems to even notice.
First of all, husband and wives of today's society seem to only be together out of necesity or procreation purposes. They are not close and do not even know eachother that well. The reason for this is that our partner is no longer our best friend. We cling to our friends like lifelines, and throw away partners every couple of years. Am I the only one who can see how wrong this is?!?! I feel like I am going mad! The person who you let be closer to you than anyone else (And yes, I mean physcially) should be the person whom you trust and confide in the most. Your partner, with whom you make babies should be your best friend, someone who you will be with for the rest of your life. This is why the courting process is supposed to be long and drawn out. You should get to know the person that you are going to marry, so then you are VERY sure that it is them that you want to spend the rest of your life with.
But in saying all of that, the bigger problem and point of the topic, is sexual promiscuity. In our society you must 'try before you buy'. Those who don't are teased and looked down upon. How can you marry someone if you do not know how they are in bed? What a ridiculous statement! My answer to that is how do you know if someone is bad in bed if you have both never been with anyone else? It makes sense, doesn't it? In the days of old (Like the 1600's) sex was seen as a very special thing, to be protected and savoured. To have sex before marriage was to taint someone, and to have multiple partners was dirty and vulgar. By multiple partners being commonplace we have lost how special sex is. Now it is as normal as kissing or even holding hands. Again, I feel like I am the only sane person on the planet! So many problems can be avoided by only having one partner! Bastard children, STD's (STI's), unreal expectations, feelings for old partner's being sparked, children to other partners, child custody, alimony... I could go on forever!
I think we need to remind ourselves of what our grandmother's used to say, 'no one wants to buy the cow when you're giving out the milk for free!' Unfortunately, the sad truth is that we are losing everything that is special in our lives, and we are filling that void with crap! We need to go back to the days when the simple things were the most special. We should get a thrill from holding holds, and reserve the most delicate and important parts of ourselves for our special ONE.
Please let me know if I am not going mad, or if I am. I would love to know if I make any sense to the rest of the world.
-T.J.
IF cannot say if you are going mad but I do think that you are on the right track about relationships. The majority of people will think & say you are mad & treat you that way.
ReplyDeleteI have spent most of my life being treated as a weirdo & being ridiculed for holding & practicing those beliefs.
Part of the problem is that men are being constantly put down & regarded as inferior to women. Men then try to prove their manliness by having multiple sexual partners. Women see men doing this &, to prove that they are better than men, have more sexual partners than anyone else.
This attitude then cheapens & devalues long-term loving relationships in order to justify their behavior. Today it is a mortal sin to admit that you are wrong or that your behavior is inappropriate & you must fight to the death to justify your decisions. People will always find an excuse to justify doing what they want instead of practicing delayed gratification !
I think there's a lot more to it than sexuality.
ReplyDeleteI was with my ex for 10 years. He was my one and only. He had delusions of grandeur about himself, and was constantly belittling me and my opinions.
The sex WAS bad, and I knew it was bad, despite him being my only sexual partner, but because I had never been with anyone else, I presumed that was my fault, and obviously he wasn't going to say otherwise.
He was greedy, rude, and emotionally manipulative. My self-confidence was continually broken by him.
The best thing I ever did was ask him to leave. I was a shadow of the girl I was in high school while I was with him, but I stayed for 10 long years, because I felt it was the right thing to do.
I sometimes do wish that I had been taught that it is ONLY the right thing to do, if your partner treats you as his equal.
I think you've gone completely sherbet snorting mad TJ! Why on earth would you tie yourself down to one loving, fulfilling and committed relationship when you could go to bed with a different stranger every night! Why would you leave the warm and comforting bed of one partner when you could have an empty one night stand with a stranger you don't even know with untold diseases. Why would you grow old with someone when you can die young of syphilis. Ooops, I think I'm making a pretty good case for one partner. As someone who has done a little test driving in his younger days, I can say with all honesty that sex is one thing this is sooo much better with someone who you've been with for many years. Someone who knows you and trusts you and loves you. I had my time over I would defintely refrain from test driving. Why do people think that sexual performance is something inherent in a person, something you can't change? It's like if you don't pick someone who's good in bed then you're doomed to a poor sex life forever. Sexual pleasure and intimacy grows and increases the more you know your partner which obviously is a function of time. The longer you are with your partner the better the sex will be.
ReplyDeleteobviously it isn't always the sex thats the issue though. As in my experience, the emotional manipulation, the lack of love and support, and living with a man who's narcissitic personality became more and more apparent the more years we were together, it resulted in a toxic relationship that was never going to improve, no matter how long I stayed.
ReplyDeleteI was also never given any hope it would improve, just manipulated into thinking that I could never do any better, because I was worthless and no one would want me. And despite feeling unhappy, I stayed, because it has been drummed in to me that you should stay, no matter what. It's more of a sin to raise children in a broken home than it is for someone to make you feel worthless..
Sex isn't the only part of a relationship that makes it good, but it also isn't the only reason people break up, which seems to be the implication here. My soul was so hurt by the way I was made to feel that it took me 2 years to trust someone again. There was also the stigma involved of going on to find someone new, and becoming the dreaded "step-family".. but I was already stigmatized by being a single mother anyway.. not that I noticed at the time, I was too busy caring for my children and healing my heart.
I don't think 'try before you buy' is the cause of marriage breakdown. Relationships are far, far more complicated than that, I'm sure that is something we can all agree on.
Personally, I think the problem is the lack of communication, the lack of respect for one another, and one partner mistreating (whether physically or emotionally) the other. That's not a relationship, good or bad sex, and women (or men, if that's the case) should feel empowered to remove themselves from toxic relationships like that, not shamed for not having "stuck it out" in case it gets better. But having said that, it's always best to seek professional marriage counselling first, before making such an important decision. Unless of course, the children are at risk from the partner. That is a deal breaker for me, no questions asked.